Relationships Part 2

The amount of hurt and pain people bring into relationships from their past can be overwhelming for themselves and to the other person, particularly when it is buried and played as if nothing has ever happened. Even though most people hide their past in relationships, there is always some sort of action, circumstance, or words that will trigger an outburst or extreme reaction due to burying and hiding your past. This is why hiding your past does not work. It never sets you free. The only way to be free in a relationship is to be open about who you are, expressing your weaknesses, bad choices, as well as your strengths to your friend or mate. Finding someone who will not judge you and will protect you is the key. It is also important that your mate or friend is willing to share their weaknesses, bad choices, and strengths with you equally.

Have you ever said something or did something you thought was harmless to a person and they reacted toward you in such extreme anger or sadness or disappeared on you, and you did not truly understand what you did that created this response? This is the reaction to a past pain the individual has been scarred from -- and you triggered it. Most of us have a trigger reaction or defense mechanism in us in response to pain that has happened in our past. If you do not heal from your past, and are not open about it in a close relationship, the chances are your friend or mate will unknowingly reopen a wound you wanted to forget forever. When this happens there is no predicting where the relationship will go, because the flame to a past pain or disappointment has just been re-lit, unknowingly. This is why burying and hiding past pains and disappointments does not work.

When you bury or hide a past pain someone is likely to find it by something they will do or say to you, and they will get the blame and punishment because they reopened something you were hoping would stay hidden or closed. Your reaction to them for what someone else did to you is usually harsh or extreme, because you want to hurt the original person for the damage they created. It's a natural reaction, but unfair. The only one hundred percent guaranteed answer for healing from your past is through the word of God, not burying or hiding it -- and one hundred percent honesty.

In 1 John 4:18 it says, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." If you are afraid to speak of your past, the only thing that will get rid of that fear is love. What is God? God is love! So, the verse can be read. "There is no fear in GOD. But perfect GOD drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in GOD." The answer to all your fears is GOD. He cannot fix you, or remove fear and/or past pains, if you do not submit to him and what the Bible says. Your answers are in the Bible. You just have to decide if you want truth in your life or not.

When you run from your past and do not use the word of God to heal from it, you only create more fear inside of you, which will not allow you to confront your pain or be one hundred percent honest in your relationships. It will follow you for the rest of your life. There are people in their fifties and sixties still running from past pains from their childhood and adulthood. Most people have a bag full of hurts and pains they have continuously ran from their entire life, but on the other hand, expect their friendships and relationships to be healthy. This is not possible. They work hand-and-hand. In order to have a healthy relationship, with anyone, it must be rooted in truth. Where there is truth, there is freedom. Hence, the term, "the truth will set you free." If you share small lies in relationships, there is no freedom in you. If you tell lies, no matter the size of them, your relationship(s) are not healthy. There's no need to hide things or lie, when God (who is truth) is the foundation of your relationships.

What urges you to lie? Fear. Now let's go back to a caption of 1 John 4:18, "The one who fears is not made perfect in God. This just means you have fear because God is not the foundation of your life. When God is at the center of your life, he will obliterate all your fears and make you comfortable with honesty -- whether if you are sharing it or receiving it.

Place God at the forefront of your life and watch your relationships change. Watch your heartache go away. The results will be phenomenal. God heals the brokenhearted too. Psalms 147:3, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." How will you know what freedom from fear is if you do not place God as the centerpiece to all your choices and decisions?  The work to gain freedom is not easy. Be patient. It has taken many years for fear to get to where it has gotten in your life. Allow God's word to remove that fear with time.  Relationships are not easy. The best ones are the ones where there are no lies. If you want the same in your relationships allow God to be the root and you will experience the freedom and peace only God can give.