There are many things that can keep you ending up unfulfilled in relationships. The main one is not knowing what you want. This is very common and dangerous in people. If this is you, it will send you here-and-there wasting your time on frivolous experiences with people who are not in line with your destiny. It's a crapshoot, and most of the time -- a waste of time. If you remain in a relationship you never knew what you wanted in, the person normally creates their world and makes you a participant in all of their needs, desires, and fears. This usually leads to feeling trapped and entangled, and not knowing what to do or how to get out.
Don't get me wrong, you have to meet people to find out who you will be in a relationship with, but you will not go into it blind if you know what you specifically want in, and from, a relationship. This major step will advance you and get you closer to the mate God has for you. Plus, you will stop wasting your time in the process.
Take out a pen and paper, or go into your notepad on your phone, or computer, and write down the attributes you want in a relationship. This is important. Then, on the other hand, write down what you don't want in a relationship. I have found when you know what you don't want in a mate, it is easier to eliminate the candidate or person because this will surface much clearer to you.
For instance, if you do not want to be with someone who does not have a car, or does not have dreams and aspirations, these will be clear by simple questions. If you do not want to be with someone who is out partying all the time, or rude, this will be simple to know as well. What most people do is focus on the good they see in someone, which is mainly looks and/or money, and pay no attention to what they don't want in a relationship. When you do this, the things you don't want in your relationship are usually in plain sight being displayed by the person, but you are so focused on their nice car, body, eyes, legs, job, or height, you never see all the bad you end-up disliking about the person down the road. Or, because you like their money or physical attributes so much you disregard or make excuses for the rude or disrespectful personality they are displaying toward you, that places you in a very uncomfortable situation.
When you only focus on superficial things like looks or money, and do not make a list of wants and don't-wants, it will gloss over bad habits and/or personality traits that do not match you, or feed what you need in a relationship. Money and looks are important, if that is what you want in a mate, but if you move forward in a serious relationship or marriage, you will more than likely have major regrets of where your life is, based upon your lack of due diligence and focus on things you don't want in a mate.
So, where do we go from here? Take the time to make a list for yourself of what you want in a relationship, and make another list of what you do not want in a relationship. It will create a guide and road map for you. This is where you begin. You must also present this list to the Lord and pray that He will send you the mate He has designed for you. Ask God to help you to be a better mate, be more patient, and a better listener. Ask him to remove the anger and unforgiveness you have from past relationships. The pain you carry from what your father or mother did or didn't do for you. Ask the Lord to help you stand up for yourself, and not do whatever people tell you to do. If you are in a relationship and you are not sure about the man or woman because of the stress, pain, and confusion you continue to experience, ask God. Say, "Lord if this is not the person you have for me, please remove them from my life, so I can be with the mate you have chosen for me."
In the Bible in Luke 6:38 it says, "Give and it shall be given unto you.." This is where it all starts in every relationship -- giving. It's like a farmer who plants seeds and waters and nurtures the ground where he planted the seed and cares for the crop. In due season with his commitment to nurturing and giving and caring for the crop it will produce fruit back to him. This process must be at the root of every relationship. If you do not know how to commit, nurture, love, or pour into a relationship, ask God. He will help you.
In the book of Matthew Jesus shares that you must give into good soil to receive a thirty, sixty, or hundred fold return on your giving. The good soil in this matter is a Godly person who will pour back into you like the farmer -- by his/her commitment, nurturing, love, and giving -- to fill you up and give you a return on your investment that you gave to them. God designed relationships for both people to give love and care to each other unconditionally. Invest and build into the other person, and it will come back to you -- if it is good soil. If you are giving and sacrificing in a relationship and you are not seeing a return at some point in similar capacity, it will become obvious your investment into the person does not warrant a return. This is the time to get out. You are not pouring into good soil.
Where we plant seed is very important. The soil must be good. Pay attention to your relationships and see if you are planting seeds into good ground. If you are, the other person will make you feel strong, happy, confident and secure. If you are not, you will feel an emptiness, confusion, and fear. These are serious signs many people ignore.
If you are looking for a mate. Use what I have shared with you and apply it. It works. Just make sure God is at the forefront of your decisions. You can do it!
Mark 9:23
"All things are possible to them that believe."
Don't get me wrong, you have to meet people to find out who you will be in a relationship with, but you will not go into it blind if you know what you specifically want in, and from, a relationship. This major step will advance you and get you closer to the mate God has for you. Plus, you will stop wasting your time in the process.
Take out a pen and paper, or go into your notepad on your phone, or computer, and write down the attributes you want in a relationship. This is important. Then, on the other hand, write down what you don't want in a relationship. I have found when you know what you don't want in a mate, it is easier to eliminate the candidate or person because this will surface much clearer to you.
For instance, if you do not want to be with someone who does not have a car, or does not have dreams and aspirations, these will be clear by simple questions. If you do not want to be with someone who is out partying all the time, or rude, this will be simple to know as well. What most people do is focus on the good they see in someone, which is mainly looks and/or money, and pay no attention to what they don't want in a relationship. When you do this, the things you don't want in your relationship are usually in plain sight being displayed by the person, but you are so focused on their nice car, body, eyes, legs, job, or height, you never see all the bad you end-up disliking about the person down the road. Or, because you like their money or physical attributes so much you disregard or make excuses for the rude or disrespectful personality they are displaying toward you, that places you in a very uncomfortable situation.
When you only focus on superficial things like looks or money, and do not make a list of wants and don't-wants, it will gloss over bad habits and/or personality traits that do not match you, or feed what you need in a relationship. Money and looks are important, if that is what you want in a mate, but if you move forward in a serious relationship or marriage, you will more than likely have major regrets of where your life is, based upon your lack of due diligence and focus on things you don't want in a mate.
So, where do we go from here? Take the time to make a list for yourself of what you want in a relationship, and make another list of what you do not want in a relationship. It will create a guide and road map for you. This is where you begin. You must also present this list to the Lord and pray that He will send you the mate He has designed for you. Ask God to help you to be a better mate, be more patient, and a better listener. Ask him to remove the anger and unforgiveness you have from past relationships. The pain you carry from what your father or mother did or didn't do for you. Ask the Lord to help you stand up for yourself, and not do whatever people tell you to do. If you are in a relationship and you are not sure about the man or woman because of the stress, pain, and confusion you continue to experience, ask God. Say, "Lord if this is not the person you have for me, please remove them from my life, so I can be with the mate you have chosen for me."
In the Bible in Luke 6:38 it says, "Give and it shall be given unto you.." This is where it all starts in every relationship -- giving. It's like a farmer who plants seeds and waters and nurtures the ground where he planted the seed and cares for the crop. In due season with his commitment to nurturing and giving and caring for the crop it will produce fruit back to him. This process must be at the root of every relationship. If you do not know how to commit, nurture, love, or pour into a relationship, ask God. He will help you.
In the book of Matthew Jesus shares that you must give into good soil to receive a thirty, sixty, or hundred fold return on your giving. The good soil in this matter is a Godly person who will pour back into you like the farmer -- by his/her commitment, nurturing, love, and giving -- to fill you up and give you a return on your investment that you gave to them. God designed relationships for both people to give love and care to each other unconditionally. Invest and build into the other person, and it will come back to you -- if it is good soil. If you are giving and sacrificing in a relationship and you are not seeing a return at some point in similar capacity, it will become obvious your investment into the person does not warrant a return. This is the time to get out. You are not pouring into good soil.
Where we plant seed is very important. The soil must be good. Pay attention to your relationships and see if you are planting seeds into good ground. If you are, the other person will make you feel strong, happy, confident and secure. If you are not, you will feel an emptiness, confusion, and fear. These are serious signs many people ignore.
If you are looking for a mate. Use what I have shared with you and apply it. It works. Just make sure God is at the forefront of your decisions. You can do it!
Mark 9:23
"All things are possible to them that believe."
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